A New Creation

At this time in my life as a new mom and a stay-at-home wife, I was spending a lot of time asking God why and trying to figure out, why was my mother like this?

Why was our relationship the way it was?? Why couldn't we have a relationship?

I asked God a lot of questions, alot of questions that my Mom asked God,

things she didn't understand.

As I pondered my life, how I grew up and the things I went through,

I started seeing how God had protected me,

how he had led me.

Those years that I said “I” walked out of the fiery pit,

it was actually God that brought me through it.

More often than not when I told people about my past, they would be

amazed (so to speak) about what I went through, often remarking how “well, I turned out.”

Mostly, I just laughed but when it is said to you often enough, you stop and wonder.

On one hand, I wonder if people just think that a person can't rise above their circumstances and become something completely different than what their circumstances were.

Statistically speaking, this may be so.

People are more apt to repeat the mess that they grew up in.

That was their realty and learned traits and they have no “power” to change it.

No power to change their circumstance.

Yes, no power to change their circumstance.

Only God can change our circumstances.

Only He has the power.

He can make a way where there is no way.

Only He can change us.

Even now at 42, I can look back on those years and see that the Scripture that I had memorized and meditated on constantly helped give me a clear mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 was my sustaining verse through that time in my life.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and or love, and of a sound mind.”

I can see now how God had given me a sound mind – a mind that was able to think above the circumstances. A mind that was clear and chose better. 

A mind that, despite the constant emotional abuse and criticism, could think clearly.

God gave me the power to walk though what I went through,

the power to stand against the evilness,

the power to stand in the mess that was going on around me.

And yes, God had given me a great love despite everything constantly being torn from me.

Despite everything that happened to me, I do not hate my mom and dad.

Again, after having talked about my dad and mom for several months I had told someone about the truth of which I had grown up in. They had informed me they did not believe me because I had never said anything negative about my dad.

With my mom it has been a lot harder to get along with but again, looking back now,

when you do not have the “mind of Christ”, you cannot make rational decisions.

When you are merely trying to survive in hell and the pain that life has given you,

you cannot have healthy relationships.

For a long time I believed the lie that I "hadn't forgiven her".

Christians have the mistaken idea that everyone should get along and 

when they don't, than there is unforgiveness.

This is another religious lie.

The other verse I meditated on was Isaiah 40:31

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I truly believed after going through the Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission, that I could do anything, that God would have me “soar like the eagles.”

I had big dreams. BIG dreams.

Big hope. My cup ran over with hope.

I believed that God had so much for me, so much.

It was actually spoken over me when I had gone to Australia.

For me, that “so much” was probably fairly simply.

I wanted 12 kids, despite the rough start, I still wanted 12 kids.

Seeing as I grew up pretty rural and both my grandpas had been ranchers,

I could be as well, raising my kids in a ranch atmosphere. 

The fact that we absolutely didn't have any money meant nothing to me.

More than one person started out with nothing.

It was nothing that hard work and good mangement, with God's help,

that we couldn't overcome.

God was our provider and provide He would

despite the fact that we had had a devastating blow through the ministry we had been part of

in Wyoming and another one through another ministry we had tried to be part of.

I truly believed that if we stepped out and did what God put on our hearts,

that God would lead us. He would catch us.

As Psalm 119:105 says (another verse I loved)

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”

God would light our path, if we only chose to trust in Him and walk the way in

which He was directing us.

Again, religion is a destroyer.

A destroyer of dreams.

Of hope.

It clouds your mind.

I still was naive to this religious demon,

simply trusting the truths that I had learned in DTS.

All I saw was how God had brought me through a bad circumstance.

How He had protected me.

 He had made me into a new creation in Christ Jesus and

with Him ALL things were possible.

2 Corinthains 5:17

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, new things have come.”

Again, though, if one does not believe that a person is a new creature in Christ, 

they will hold that person in bondage of being the old person.

Religion tells us that people are broken and they will always be broken.

That we have to fix that person. We have a hard time believing and trusting that
God can fix people. That God can heal people and they can be a new person.

They do not have to be tied to the “old person”.

People cannot stand it when another person can walk confidently in this new person either.

Again though, it was not my confidence that I walked in, it was God's.

We are commanded in the Scriptures to walk in confidence.

Philippians 1:6

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”

And I did. I walked in the confidence that God had given me,

the sound mind that He had given me to discern truth from untruth,

the power of the cross,

and the love that He had bestowed on me.

My cup runneth over and poured out of my life.