Introduction

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32 KJV

This past week a devastating thing happened. Something that I prayed would never happened.

Through this dreadful circumstance it has occurred to me that I can no longer keep silent. I have to speak out for the weak. I must speak for those who can not speak for themselves. Therefore it is time that I tell my story. That I share my testimony of how God brought me through the ashes.

It is time.

This is painful. It is not easy.

This is not something that I want to do but it is something that I have to do.

I have to speak.

The thing about life is that we can not control it. At times it seems that we are simply victims of it. This is especially true for a child.

It seems that life controls us and we are tossed about in lifes storms. Some people's storms are easier than others, some people seem to ride the waves better than others and still others simply seem to drown in those storms with out much hope.

There are the outward things that we can not control like our hair color, the color of our skin, our teeth, our nose, our voice but than there are the bigger things.

Like our family.

Who our parents are, who they aren't, how they treat us and if that family is abusive or not.

This is my story. A story of abuse.

For the first 20 years of my life I lived in paralyzing abuse.

Abuse unthinkable to the normal human being. It is not as bad as some which can make us think that the abuse that happens to us in insignificant. There are those who have lived through far worse but….all abuse is wrong. ALL.

There is physical abuse which is almost bearable to a degree.

There is sexual abuse which is completely demeaning to the human being.

Emotional and mental abuse which is worse than physical abuse as the words that are said will never leave the mind of the victim that was inflicted with the words of the abuser.

It hasn't been till the last 20 years that I started untangling the web of spiritual abuse and the mind controlling abuse that was going on as well.

Spiritual abuse is where one tries to control you through some sort of religious philosophy. They will use religion to manipulate you and make you feel guilty causing you to bend to their will. This is not a new form of abuse, it has been going on for ages but in the last few years more and more people are becoming aware that this is, in fact, abuse.

Spiritual abuse can be very subtle. People can be completely unaware that they are being used and manipulated by it. We are all created to be spiritual beings and we desire to have a relationship with God. We fill that void with many different things, to the point of letting other people guide our “spiritualness”. When this is a parent it is hurtful beyond measure.

Parents are to be their children's guardians, their protectors. An example of who Jesus Christ is. As parents we are given a huge responsibility as care takers of them. As parents most of us are clueless. We are just trying to do the best we can. I completely understand this. Mistakes are made. This is going to happen.

Typically with parents, as most of us are just trying to do the best we can, we know that we need to apologize to our children. To make things right again. This is a normal, healthy parent/child relationship.

When abuse is present though. It is paralyzing. People act or do things that they do not realize they are doing. When they, themselves, are caught in abuse, more often they are not thinking rationally.

Abuse paralyzes the mind.

All forms of abuse are horrible.

All are demeaning to the person and all keep a person in paralyzing fear.

Another form of abuse is knowing what is going on but keeping your mouth shut, therefore enabling the abuser to keep on abusing.

Nobody should have to live through abuse. Nobody.

Abuse immobilizes you. It makes you less of a human being.

This is my story.

A story of pain, confusion, and heartache but

it is also a story of hope, redemption and victory.